iamtonysexual:

thisisasupergoodidea:

i8urpenguin:

HE TRIED TO ESCAPE

FUCK THE OCEAN
I’M A BIRD MOTHAFUCK- OH SHIT

SEA PANCAKE OUT

iamtonysexual:

thisisasupergoodidea:

i8urpenguin:

HE TRIED TO ESCAPE

FUCK THE OCEAN

I’M A BIRD MOTHAFUCK- OH SHIT

SEA PANCAKE OUT

illogicalaccuracy:

eleanorbearder:

jambandit:

walkers-and-mutts:

OMG, look at this Jennifer Lawrence trasformation!

#this is why i don’t trust people who wear makeup

OHMYGOD WHAT THE HELL

I agree with the previous statement. On an unrelated note, my eyelashes are naturally as long as those fake ones she wore.

alltimeangela:

why does leonardo dicaprio always end up dead in the water with no girlfriend

catpun:

PEOPLE WHO THINK YOUR GRADES REFLECT YOUR INTELLIGENCE 

image

zeuspiss:

im sorry… … i got some bad news… … . drinking tea doesn’t make you anymore intelligent or cultural. i know. take your time.

psilentasincjelli:

If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and I’m hallucinating plot points I haven’t written yet

‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

My hobbies include laying in bed in my underwear while I listen to music and hate myself

stridersquad:

richwhitelesbian:

we need some new and more powerful swears

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hurt-broken-gone:

cindersatmidnight:

I now pronounce you husband and wife..RELEASE THE KRAKEN

ohmygod please

hurt-broken-gone:

cindersatmidnight:

I now pronounce you husband and wife..RELEASE THE KRAKEN

ohmygod please